Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Innie or Outie?

Jason questioned me the other day asking if I considered myself an extrovert or an introvert. After taking many-a-Myers-Briggs tests throughout college and thereafter, I had always considered myself an extrovert for a few reasons:

1. I don't need a lot of alone time, rather I go a bit mad
when I am alone for too long of a period

2. I thrive on the company of others and really
enjoy being with people

3. To fully process something going on in my life,
I need to discuss and get the opinions of
just about everyone around me.

4. I really don't think I have enough self
confidence to be on my own.

5. I scored "extrovert" on the test.

However...lately when in a group I am tending to shut down a bit. Now, the "group" I am referring to has itself claimed to be difficult to have a voice in. But, I don't fight for a voice. Well, I take that back. I fight pretty hard and then just give up and don't try again. It's rather frustrating. Especially when I am so longing to connect with these people and haven't exactly had all the free time in the world to do so one-on-one and no one will listen to me and then I feel like a weirdo when someone finally asks my what I said and it has no relevance at all. So, I am left not connecting and feeling rather frustrated. And therefore feeling that I am not wanted, considered, or cared for. Which in all my wrestling am trying so hard to defeat those feelings of self worthlessness.

But, it is a bitter struggle I might say.

So, I am still left questioning if I am truly an innie or an outie...what are you?

P.S. What is with spell check on this gosh darn thing? How did a misspelled "relevance" get nothing close but lavender???




2 comments:

mme. bookling said...

you could easily be a vascillator.
both joel and kelly are very much wavering on the line...

would be cool to take the test that is the REAL one, the expensive one.

you recharge by being alone or by yourself?

Devon said...

Both. I feel it more when I'm with others - I feel I need that more. And I only need a tiny bit by myself, very not often.